God Frowns on Faps

Tonight, fapping to ludity and detestable sites, instead of fighting and warring in the Spirit, I lost my priviledge to smoke.  God told me so; He told me I cannot smoke for this period (I took that to mean this next trimester) or until I decide about my career move - which ever lasts longer. This remaining bud is my last purchase until, as mentioned. I was abusing it and it then opened doors to digusting shame - not guilt but shame. I pray I become better during this redemption period, to earn the confidence of Christ again. As right now, I know He cannot trust me to not get distracted - trust is specific for example trust with money does not imply trust with small children, as trust to complete a task does not indicate trust with leadership. I know He is disappointed in me; He told me so. He continues to give me chances. I do good then mess up bad. God, forgive me. I've been a simpleton. In wanting to keep things simple, I disregarded the complexities of certifying a future. I was a fool. Without Your transforming power, I will remain a fool, and be without Your favor. That is a future I detest and do not want.
God, Jesus, Yahweh the designer, complete me for my next phase.
I am ready.
Amen.

I look at this as a fast, discipline building and defining. God punishments can render far far and much much worse.
God, Your mercies endureth forever. Your loving kindness is better than life itself, for by it, I still move breath and have my being. I will endure to the end of this period, triumphant, having made amends with my Lord.

The Value of Humility

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner’. 

Luke 18: 9-14

One of the most loathed professions in biblical days, the tax collector becomes the ideal example of humility.  A position revered and feared, the tax collector is known by all.  But [this] tax collector knows of one greater, one greater than a king and a pharisee.  The tax collector understands money, but more so he understands value. 

Value is a comparative result.  Value indicates perception as well as perspective.  A porcelain doll will mean something different (priced differently) to an impoverished child versus a wealthy collector, though both may value the doll highly.  But the value assigned to the doll can only be weighted by comparing the perception as well as the perspective of the beholder.  Whether the doll is priced at $5 or $50,000 is determined by comparative variables/factors like availability, condition of good, production cost etc., though both value/prices may be accurate, the worth and value assigned will be different.  If all factors are the same, what differs is the perceived value – the impoverished is not willing to pay more than $5 whereas the collector is willing to pay $50,000.  Yet it would be a valuable misfortune for the collector to think less of the impoverished for only paying $5 for the doll or the impoverished to think the collector is foolish for paying the $50k when each is being true to their perceived value. This creates the added notion that comparative implies different.  Though we compare different things, we forget that different is not the same. Different does not imply better as well as different does not imply worse.

The man so confident in his value does not know his worth; he has not compared his value to anything greater, to anyone higher because he importunately evaluates his differences as better. 

I must quiet my pride on a daily basis.  I see daily miracles and as such will experience daily success, but I must remain humble, daily.  This must become my habit and pattern, a daily renewal and transformation, complete with my daily bread.  Then will I be able to test and approve what God will is for me, daily.  Only by humbling myself, daily, sober in thought/judgment and precise in valuation (my capabilities, skills and talents), then I will have an accurate measurement of my faith – the currency of heaven.  The worse thing ever is to think you have the credit (currency/cash flow), swipe the card and have the card denied.  This is result of pride and arrogance; beware of erosion due to arrogance - as the pace of erosion will quicken due to the variables and factors like pride at play. I need to know my balance, how much am I worth (bases on good deeds vs bad deeds, humility vs pride) and strive to achieve my true value of how God sees me.

Romans 12:1-3