One Returned to Say Thanks

I need no reminder for what I do everyday nor a special season for what I take stock of daily.  But oddly enough, on the days that are set apart and highlighted on a calendar in bold font, my daily efforts are magnified and what I do everyday becomes exceptional. 

...and with the same thanks that I give, I feel appreciated in return. 

I'm thankful: 

...for the discomfort of never being able to settle.  For the hurts that come those closest.  For the failures and the expectation of failures.  I'm thankful for the truth and the authenticity of a lie.  I'm thankful for being able to prove myself wrong.  I'm thankful for humility.  I'm thankful for never truly being alone.  I'm thankful for endless miracles.  I'm thankful for the courage to put myself in the need of a miracle.  I'm thankful for access to request miracles.  I'm thankful for sight, for the both the visible and invisible.  I'm thankful for do-overs.  I'm thankful for grace and forgiveness.  I'm thankful for examples and exceptions.  I'm thankful for the intelligent design of my being.  I'm thankful for a plan and the opportunities that await. 

I'm thankful for Jesus. 

Thank you. 

Full Extension

A pros poem I wrote, commemorating the efforts actualized in DBC's 2013 Youth Conference

Extend anyway, even with no support, for God is my under-guard.  Though with no rapport, God holds my arm.  He guides me like a compass.  Together we make it happen, though others doubted We would get this far.  But in God I trusted.  It might not have worked the first time but with minor adjustments, and a few things reconfigured, God made two small speakers sound even bigger, to where the voices of a few rival the praise of angels.  God alone is the megaphone; He gives the increase to praises.  I merely set the tables.  He enjoys a sweet smelling savor.  The challenge from my Savior is excellent behavior, as He promises that perfection will come later.  Along with acknowledgement from “haters” who engage in insignificant banter – that’s the hobby of the belated.  In a society where talk gets you ahead, work is understated.  So I align thought and action. One cannot be right and the other wrong.  A divided man is unstable, providing support to no one.  First do away with malicious talk, then comes the brighter outcomes, there shines light from dark, and then things will begin to work, and it will all make sense.  No one knows if their extension is enough until they make it to the end.  So Extend!!  Grab ceilings; ready hands to receive healing.  Now reach and stretch; opposite directions for toes and fingertips.  Hug the globe to grab the east and west winds, open sails on blessings - the north breeze from heaven.  Listen to this beautiful message: I cannot extend past my reach but my reach can continue extending - preventing me from ever overstretching.

They say youth is for the young, though with youth, wisdom can accomplish the work of a thousand sons.  They say wisdom is for the experienced, though with wisdom, what the youth started he finishes.  So, work smarter and not harder.  Work till the work is complete; work to go farther.  I work because my father bothered.  Work for tomorrow, as my yesterday’s are ‘thank you’s’ because I am still repaying the time that was borrowed.  I now recalculate the I.O.U’s that I undervalued, from the extension of my father’s father for his children’s children.  So I honor my mother with follow through and support my brothers with a spirit that is willing.  And my support is free.  All that is needed is able feet, reaffirmed knees, and courage to face whatever as humility reminds it’s not about me.

Extension by definition is future tense.  To extend in nature reaches towards the heavens, so I reach into my tomorrow with the work I do today.  But I cannot see into the future, I don’t know what’s about to come my way.  Still. I. Extend; because if we want more, God has more.  Get more for doing more which is often followed by a round of applause for all that was done imagining all that God has in store.  But, seemingly, He keeps it on the top shelf.  The cupboard of life sometimes requires getting help. If I look up on hill tops, there goes my help.  I rejoice at the notion – rejoicing is good for my health.

Difficulties will come, my brethren, don’t be deceived.  Extension is not a one way door; look both ways even on one way streets.  What’s to prevent what’s outside from coming in or the feeling of frustration, like you’re on repeat?  The same things over and over and over again, that’s the life of a toilet seat.  I ask, is that the kind of life God really has planned for me?  I should be holding clipboards like a coach, or a trophy, because I’m a victor with my team standing beside me. Visualize us all together, tightly together, arms extended, in every direction – we look like a tree!  With the roots of our feet firmly invested, with sound instruction …OUR extension will certainly reach the end of any exit.  No one will have to tell it, it will be obvious that there is no further to go.  At the end, you’re either sorry forever or seated next to the throne.  At this point there is no going home or going back to what was known.  Successful extension pulls up to new plateaus.  Lift up from the ground below because someone else extended and helped.  What did they help with?  Everything I couldn’t do myself.  With thanksgiving and gladness, I’m overwhelmed…. I Extend My Reach

Opinions and Convictions, Both Do Justice

I am often in this position, where no one is seemingly on my side, or they dispute my pursuit, plans and ‘how I am going about it’.  But in the end, they congratulate the success.  Recall these moments and let the memory of what was encourage my heart to do what I feel convicted to do today.  I don’t run for position or title, why start now?  Or, is my only alternative to then not be a part of anything because I will have to compete for title and position or recognition?  Accolades, though nice to receive are very short lived.  It is temporary, it is a fix – I want more than this.  I know I am not inferior to those “super members” of DBC.  I may indeed be lower on the social totem pole, but I do have knowledge and a creative imaginative spirit unlike theirs.  I have demonstrated this and I know it is clear in every way to anyone who does matter.  Was it a sin or a poor choice for me to therefore lower myself and work the audio and visual for the skit?  Was it foolish for me to have another teacher introduce the SS presentation while I elected to be an actor in it?  Am I making an unwise decision because I want to incorporate what is already in place such as drama and dance for Black History month?  But this is what I have done in the past which has garnished me success and God the full glory.  2 Corinthians 11:5-11 I collaborate and I am confident in what I can bring and influence, lead, so that I am not insecure or threatened regarding who I work with. Though, I will never work with a knowingly poor teammate or collaborate with a knowing irresponsible collaborator.  Being a leader cannot mean defending a position or working to prevent someone else from being recognized.  [My] Work will always be recognize – I trust God to defend and honor what I do with my hands, in excellence, that will bring Him glory.  What I do will always be correctly appropriated – God does not take from the righteous to give to and reward the unrighteous.  If this was to happen, this would be a lie, of which, the truth will always be made known.  I do not feel compelled, at all, to defend and fight this illusive battle for recognition.  I ask, who is recognizing me?  It would require someone to be looking at me – again, there is no one around me!!  So I will keep on doing what I am doing in order to cut the ground from under those who want an opportunity to be considered equal with me in the things they boast about.  Fully believing, that for such people, deceit is their tool of choice – they seem sincere and humbled, but they are masquerading as co-laborers and teammates.  Their end will be what their actions deserve.  2 Corinthians 11:12-15 So don’t get caught up in advice and words, even from the closest people to me, continue as I am lead, continue as I am convicted.  Their words indeed have the appearance of wisdom but their words do not solve the issue nor restrain the indulgence. Avoidance is not resolution and doing it all on my own is just as foolish as deceit – deceiving myself to believe I can do it all.  Instead, all their advice does is force me to adhere to more rules governed by more restrictions due to illusive concerns: don’t work with this person; don’t give up this assignment; do this in this order.  My intent is pure – if I can move in the light of having a clear conscience with no ulterior motive, I need not hide my objections.  Colossians 2:20-23 But I am not fooled – those closest to me are close for a reason and I will heed their concerns, for they are witnesses to the light.  But I do not fear that my season and time will not come – I so expect it with a heightened faith and a ready spirit, willing to be who and what I need to be so that God gets all the glory and all the recognition – for there will be no one on my side who can claim to get even a small percentage of recognition.  For this is their time, those who fight for recognition, but I was here before, when there was no need to fight (indulgence) and I will far surpass them when it is my time to come again.  John 1:8,15 The issues that bother others around me, to the point of fear, do not worry me or concern me like that, even when I try to make it concern me.  I get frustrated when I try to make such issues become my issue in order to ‘do something about it’.  Understand that the issues of my heart are directly related to what motivates my heart, and the same goes for those closest to me and those I compete against. But, instead, this day, God told me, like Paul, to keep going and I have decided that “…I will keep on doing what I am doing in order to cut the ground from under those who want an opportunity to be considered equal…” 2 Corinthians 11:12

God Frowns on Faps

Tonight, fapping to ludity and detestable sites, instead of fighting and warring in the Spirit, I lost my priviledge to smoke.  God told me so; He told me I cannot smoke for this period (I took that to mean this next trimester) or until I decide about my career move - which ever lasts longer. This remaining bud is my last purchase until, as mentioned. I was abusing it and it then opened doors to digusting shame - not guilt but shame. I pray I become better during this redemption period, to earn the confidence of Christ again. As right now, I know He cannot trust me to not get distracted - trust is specific for example trust with money does not imply trust with small children, as trust to complete a task does not indicate trust with leadership. I know He is disappointed in me; He told me so. He continues to give me chances. I do good then mess up bad. God, forgive me. I've been a simpleton. In wanting to keep things simple, I disregarded the complexities of certifying a future. I was a fool. Without Your transforming power, I will remain a fool, and be without Your favor. That is a future I detest and do not want.
God, Jesus, Yahweh the designer, complete me for my next phase.
I am ready.
Amen.

I look at this as a fast, discipline building and defining. God punishments can render far far and much much worse.
God, Your mercies endureth forever. Your loving kindness is better than life itself, for by it, I still move breath and have my being. I will endure to the end of this period, triumphant, having made amends with my Lord.

The Value of Humility

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner’. 

Luke 18: 9-14

One of the most loathed professions in biblical days, the tax collector becomes the ideal example of humility.  A position revered and feared, the tax collector is known by all.  But [this] tax collector knows of one greater, one greater than a king and a pharisee.  The tax collector understands money, but more so he understands value. 

Value is a comparative result.  Value indicates perception as well as perspective.  A porcelain doll will mean something different (priced differently) to an impoverished child versus a wealthy collector, though both may value the doll highly.  But the value assigned to the doll can only be weighted by comparing the perception as well as the perspective of the beholder.  Whether the doll is priced at $5 or $50,000 is determined by comparative variables/factors like availability, condition of good, production cost etc., though both value/prices may be accurate, the worth and value assigned will be different.  If all factors are the same, what differs is the perceived value – the impoverished is not willing to pay more than $5 whereas the collector is willing to pay $50,000.  Yet it would be a valuable misfortune for the collector to think less of the impoverished for only paying $5 for the doll or the impoverished to think the collector is foolish for paying the $50k when each is being true to their perceived value. This creates the added notion that comparative implies different.  Though we compare different things, we forget that different is not the same. Different does not imply better as well as different does not imply worse.

The man so confident in his value does not know his worth; he has not compared his value to anything greater, to anyone higher because he importunately evaluates his differences as better. 

I must quiet my pride on a daily basis.  I see daily miracles and as such will experience daily success, but I must remain humble, daily.  This must become my habit and pattern, a daily renewal and transformation, complete with my daily bread.  Then will I be able to test and approve what God will is for me, daily.  Only by humbling myself, daily, sober in thought/judgment and precise in valuation (my capabilities, skills and talents), then I will have an accurate measurement of my faith – the currency of heaven.  The worse thing ever is to think you have the credit (currency/cash flow), swipe the card and have the card denied.  This is result of pride and arrogance; beware of erosion due to arrogance - as the pace of erosion will quicken due to the variables and factors like pride at play. I need to know my balance, how much am I worth (bases on good deeds vs bad deeds, humility vs pride) and strive to achieve my true value of how God sees me.

Romans 12:1-3

Caution: Don't Be Too Ambitious

Is ambition wrong? 

Can there be a right ambition and thus a wrong ambition?  

I particularly like the challenge of this question as it poses the perplex paradox of pursuing greatness as gain (being the best person I can be) or for profit (solely monetary gains).  What man doesn’t want to be great?  What man doesn’t have great plans in his heart that he puts into motion, all the while utilizing the skills and talents that are God given to get there? Understanding this, I believe the pursuit is not wrong, but the motivation – ultimately, why I am pursuing – distinguishes good ambition from bad ambition.  Am I aware of God’s glory and all the praise He deserves as a result of my attaining greatness?  To see greatness, to have it in my sight implies that I am operating on a higher plateau. Understanding that I have been raised [with Christ], and therefore my heart has been set on things above [my previous standard for and of excellence]. To graduate to high school means I can’t go back and be the best eighth grader, ever.  I no longer operate on that [lower] plateau.  I adhere to new rules; often more stricter and specific rules now that I have graduated.  A new discipline is needed. Paul suggests that whatever I do, be sincere; whatever I do, ask how am I using the gifts and talents God has given me and how does He want me to use them. 

I exist for God’s pleasure – pleasure fully acknowledged when I work with passion and excellence for His sake, not mine.  For His service and not personal profit, since I know that I will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It’s all about God’s goals, accomplished through my assignments. My chief instruction for living is to please God (1 Thess 4:1)

I am ambitious – this is by design.  I undertake projects in a month that outnumber what another would do in six months or for the whole year.  But the moment my work efforts lacks zest, passion, contagion, expectancy and excitement, I am not operating as designed. 

Be fully functioning: what I do, do it heartily as unto the Lord.

Colossians 3
1 Thessalonians 4

Too much ambition will result in a promotion to a job you cannot do. Have ambitions but know limitations. Limitations are the balance to ambitious endeavors.

Spartans Finish ...Strong

I finished.

I finished strong.

I severely cramped up in the process.

I was down for about an hour, but I was strong and I finished and I'm proud of that (I focus on the positives, lol). There was actually a physical therapist on my team who gave me a 20 minute treatment on the course right next to one of the obstacles. It was brutally hot and I got dehydrated but I finished strong. My overall time was 3 hours and 35 minutes. Minus the hour plus delay, I still wouldn’t have hit my target finish time but I would have finished at a decent time which is pretty good considering it was my first race and I was battling through the pain. However, the course was treacherous. It was not easy at all. And the race I'm gunning for in September is harder than the “sprint” I completed on Saturday. So I don't know about that one yet. Lol. But I want to do another one. I feel like the race got the best of me and my competitive nature is unsettled by that. I am not ignorant to the level of fitness needed in order to beat the course – and it's not that I was "unfit".  My conditioning was not my undoing, it was more course management.  I burned out, ran out of fuel.  I dehydrated. A totally avoidable error but it was my undoing.  So, not that I wasn’t physically ready, I wasn’t mentally ready.  

Fitness is a totally different mental preparation than athletics and competitive play. The coordinated skillful grace of an athlete on their respective field is not the same as the grunt and grind of …50 more lunge jumps with burpies or scaling a nine foot wall in mile three while running up a rocky mountain.  Yet, both athletics and fitness require a competitive edge that will determine if “they” can do it, then so can “I”. With athletics, I see and know my opponents, they have a name and a position.  But with fitness, I am my adversary.  Meaning, at the finish line, I can both win and lose with fitness.  I didn’t understand this relationship prior, rather, I underestimated this relationship.  It wasn’t until the glory of the race – reaching the finish line – that it all made sense.  I now understand the difference between fitness and athletics. 

I saw all I needed to do and be in order to fulfill my goals. I saw strength in weakness. I heard, without audible words, "keep going... I have to be better than I am today". I know the areas I need to improve in – first things first, awareness.

My legs still feel like cement. I'm all scratched up and bruised. I feel like I used to after a rugby match. But all I keep thinking about is 'I finished strong'. There was never a point of quitting. I am Sparta. LOL